“Are you happy?”
“Not really…”
“Then, you are stupid?”
“No!”
“Happiness isn’t a choice. There are so many things that make us unhappy. There are people who break our hearts…”
“Is that what you believe, that things make you unhappy, that someone can break your heart?”
“Yes.”
“Someone can make you - force to be unhappy, really?”
“Yes. Does that sound stupid?”
“It sounds like you believe it.”
“I can’t help it. Life sucks.”
“Life is full of choices. Do you want to choose unhappiness?”
“If we really do have choices, then of course it would be stupid to choose unhappiness.”
“Exactly.”
“So, are you happy or are you stupid?”
Dialogue Adapted from The Toltec Art of Life and Death by Don Miguel Ruiz.

None of us believe that there are tiny light switches located inside of our skull and attached to our emotions that others can reach in and flip into the “on” or “off” setting. But we are conditioned to believe it is so. We are taught while we are young and then we reinforce those lessons through our language and our behaviors cause us to feel different ways.
We regularly hear and use phrases like:

“They broke my heart”
“She made me feel sad.”
“He made me angry.”
“They offended me.”

But these are false claims based upon absolutely no truth or factual reality. Why don’t we question other people when they make these statements? Why don’t we question ourselves when statements and ideas like these are offered by our internal voice?
Because it’s normal to say and hear phrases like these.
It’s what we learn as we grow up and we begin reinforcing our beliefs in these lessons by using these ideas through our language. Take another look at the dialog at the beginning. Consider the statement,
“Happiness isn’t a choice. There are so many things that make us unhappy. There are people who break our hearts…”
This is a couple of those commonly believed statements jammed into one claim. But can we choose to “be happy” and actually be happy? Not unless we first believe that we actually have a choice.
Do things actually make us unhappy or happy? Yes, if that is what we believe, but we can believe that we control our reaction to things. Again, we have to believe that we have an option first; otherwise we simply default into the mindset of what is socially common. While we are emotionally reacting to something, it isn’t the event or circumstance; it is the meaning we have created around it.
Do other people break our hearts? No, we break our own hearts and are then taught to blame the “other person”. Kyle Cease, comedian and motivational speaker, says that we believe in the meaning around a relationship that we are in and when it ends we might see it as a reflection of “who we are” and thus see ourselves as not worthy. So we are in effect breaking our own hearts by constructing our beliefs around what relationships mean to us. Even if our partner ends the relationship suddenly without explanation or begins a new relationship at the same time, we interpret their external action and react as if their actions cause an emotional response within us, but it is actually our own doing.
It is not just the choice of choosing happiness but the step towards owning the responsibility to choose. When we blame others for how we feel, or blame external circumstances for our internal feelings we are fundamentally giving up our responsibility to feel differently. By owning how we feel and seeing our internal states as a reaction to our beliefs or the resistance to what we don’t want to believe, we take the first step towards constructing our own happiness by taking back the power of choice.
Jesse Silva 7. 10.19

Jesse Silva, Monday, August 27, 2018
​
I am actively engaged in diminishing my Ego. I must stay aware of my feelings and reactions to things in my external world which insight my Ego and his many tools and to seek other responses for myself. Figuring out that how I feel at any moment is up to me; in that moment. Because this is true the actions of others don't hurt me, as my Ego would have otherwise lead me to think.
This means that I am no longer the center of my world. Instead I must behave and believe that I am connected with everything, but not more or less important. This is critical because if I see myself as less than important my Ego will grow to protect me. If I see myself as more important, then my Ego will grow to support that perception.  And being connected to everything is the only way to stay curious, learning, open and discover novel ways of seeing my life. Without complete connection I cannot see anything but what my Ego would falsely create for me to see.
Everything is connected, but it is in the connections that I must learn to grow. My relationships with anyone I know must be forged with a mindset of disciplined openness. I must see others with compassion and gratitude and imagine their best version, even when I don’t see it. I must remember that there are no Bad Intentions and the proof of this lies in the real fact that each person is doing the best that they can with what they’ve got at every moment. When I am lead astray from this real fact, it is because my Ego is strong if I let it grow to be, and it will always try to paint a grim picture of my life and the people who fill it.
Pain is the reminder for all of this. It exists and persists, but it is not an inevitable force of disheartenment, so I must choose to accept its existence but not to accept it as suffering. I must meet pain head on and use the compassion I have for myself to partner with it, so I can quiet it. I believe the alternative to pain is “to love”.
This is not a mere adjustment of my thoughts about myself in my world, it is seeking the truth inside of fear, anger and hate. The truth about them that I have found is that they have no reason to exist except as a reminder that my Ego would have me believe in them if I didn't believe in love.
I may not have achieved higher consciousness as I am not sure there is a way to tell. I do know that deep curiosity has helped me to see things this way. To continue to question everything seems to keep the journey going and along the way those things (fear, anger and hate) have fallen away as the needless and useless choices that they are.

Millions of people around the world will be ringing in 2018 with yet another annual proclamation of their Resolutions. Why? Because that’s what we do, that’s what we are taught. Knowing we are going to be asked “What’s your New Year’s Resolution” about 100 times in the first few days of January, we better have an answer or suffer the horrified look we will receive from the questioner!
This is the time of year, once again that we see coaches, lifestyle consultants and a myriad of Facebook memes reminding us of the pressing need to make ‘realistic’ resolutions and offering all kinds of ways to stay on track with them.
Nope. Not me. Not This Year.
The way I look at it, at least for me, it’s pretty pointless waiting all year to decide on one or two things that you kinda, sorta , maybe want to stop or start doing, but that you know full well you’re not really committed to following through with it anyway. Yet year after year in an effort to fit in, combined with a dash of good faith and then sealed with a kiss, poof, just like that; a resolution is born. After a few weeks, we all know what happens. The excitement subsides, the glitz, glimmer and sparkle have lost their shine. We pucker up once again, and kiss our resolutions goodbye. In what seems like a New Year’s minute, our grand intentions are replaced by feelings of failure and we suffer a self-imposed hit to our self-confidence.
So starting this year and for every year hereafter, when presented with the question “So what’s your New Year’s Resolution?” My answer is simple. My answer will be “None “.
Why? Because Resolutions don’t work.
One of the first words that comes to my mind when I think of resolutions is one of the words on my least liked list. Should. Just typing it makes my brain scream “JUDGEMENT”. Needless to say, formulating a resolution on the basis of judgement whether internal or external is to me, not a great foundation for success or a self-esteem booster. A few of the most common resolutions like quitting smoking, going to the gym and eating more healthily are, at the very core, all about what you think you SHOULD do. We base these “should’s” on other people’s expectations or the constant media reminders that we need to “Lose the Flab to Be Fab by Summer” rather than what we really WANT to be doing. So what happens when a resolution is based on a “should”? Many don’t even make it past January because the initial motivation subsides and commitment goes out the window. When we base our resolutions without the foundation of real personal meaning, or as Simon Sinek would say without knowing your “Why”  and instead  we “should” ourselves into trying to make it happen, the initial burst of motivation that gets us started doesn’t stick around very long.
What about Goals?
Many times, “resolutionists” believe they need to set themselves goals and objectives to see things happen, but I think they’re missing the point. Such goals, in and of themselves, aren’t sustainable. Setting goals that lack personal meaning (there’s that “why” again) is essentially pointless. Resolutions are like goals in that they’re about getting more of something. You are basically putting a spotlight between where you are now and where you’d like to be, which instantly makes where you are right now a place you don’t want to be. The very nature of goals is focus on what’s next, never at what’s now and this can hurt your self-confidence and esteem. Once you reach a goal, what’s next? Gotta have another goal. Then another, then another. You are always chasing the next thing! When do you get to stop and just enjoy life right where you are?
Why wait?
January 1st come and goes. Very quickly, the decorations are put away, the revelry subsides and all of a sudden the realization that you now have a whole year stretching ahead of you and summer is 6 months off. When you’re well intentioned resolution isn’t based on real personal meaning, the motivation that you felt when you proclaimed your plan can begin to feel like a burden, real fast.  
My question is, why wait all year to make a choice about something anyway?  Why wait for one particular day to make a decision, when there are 364 other great decision-making days available to you?
 Revolution Personal Evolution
For me, living a fulfilled life is not about making some grand yet half-hearted decisions that don’t really mean anything or proclaiming a BS resolution because we feel we “should”.  I invite you to join me to flip the script on “Resolutions”.   Instead, let’s greet the New Year with the warm embrace of Personal Evolution.   Let us resolve to make confident choices EVERY DAY OF THAT YEAR that propel us forward towards the best version of ourselves based on things that are more meaningful,  fundamental, and in alignment to what really matters to us, and jump in with both feet.
Who’s with me??
 

Are you ready to unleash your AWESOME? Email me anytime! gsilva@raindancelife.com

At many times during my journey, this life has broken me.  I have been torn apart by betrayal, abuse and loss and have felt the abyss of despair so deeply that at times I really wasn’t sure how or even that I would survive. In his book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday refers to these times as “Fight Club Moments”. Ryan offers that “Every great or significant life change comes from an event in which a person is thoroughly demolished, and everything they thought they knew is proven untrue–and from there they have to decide whether to get back up or stay on the ground.” This concept has so resonated with me, as throughout all I have experienced I have never viewed myself as a victim and I have always looked for meaning in the soul crushing chaos of my emotions. Even during the most devastating of circumstances, and I have had a few,  I  trusted that someday it would all make sense, that there was, in fact, a method to the madness and that if given some time, the lesson would become clear and that I would be better and maybe even stronger  for having survived. 
It blows my mind that it is so easy for people to dismiss or label as “Woo-Woo” or whimsical those who say things like “everything happens for a reason” or “there’s always a silver lining”” and fashionable to even ridicule and reject the idea that one becomes stronger by taking responsibility for everything in their lives, yes, even the things that majorly suck.  Some self-proclaimed “experts” claim that this mindset can be viewed as dismissive to the process of grief.  I have read and heard it said that this kind of help doesn’t really help at all. 
As I take a pause, take a beat and take a breath, let me say I fully, wholeheartedly and unequivocally disagree. I have dived headfirst into the abyss, leaned way deep down into my darkness, cried myself into exhaustion and given myself permission to accept and to experience my grief in whatever way it chooses to manifest: Depression, Anger, Despair, Isolation, Tears, Rage. Yes, yes I have felt them all, deeply, to my core and I have grown stronger from knowing that the wave of pain does eventually subside and have found within these “Fight Club Moments” and all this brokenness that accompanies them, there is a gift. Don’t get me wrong, these devastatingly life altering moments are not fun, they truly are awful to say the least,  but if you allow it, this gift will come you when the storm has passed and when the wound has healed. It arrives in the form of  deeper self-awareness wisdom, strength, self-love, compassion, empathy, clarity, faith, acceptance and forgiveness.  It comes from owning your feelings and taking full responsibility for your choices. In truly understanding and embracing that everything really does happen for a reason.  
This is my truth. I own it.  This deep dive journey and taking responsibility for all the events in my life have allowed me to embrace myself completely and has led me to my most profound healing and the ability to take back my power. I take responsibility for everything that happens in my life and I believe it takes courage, faith and a sprinkle of optimism (look for that silver lining!) to see that regardless of all the pain, there is always valuable treasure if you just look.

1. Take a self-esteem inventory to give yourself a baseline.
   It can be as simple as writing down 10 of your strengths and 10 of your weaknesses. This will help you to begin developing an honest and realistic conception of yourself.
2. Set realistic expectations.
   It’s important to set small, reachable goals that are within your power. For example, setting an extremely high expectation or an expectation that someone else will change their behavior is virtually guaranteed to make you feel like a failure, through no fault of your own.
   
3. Stop being a perfectionist and acknowledge both your accomplishments and mistakes.
   Nobody is perfect, and trying to be will only lead to disappointment. Acknowledging your accomplishments and recognizing your mistakes is the way to keep a positive outlook while learning and growing from your mistakes.
   
4. Explore yourself.
   The importance of knowing yourself and being at peace with who you are cannot be overstated. This can take some trial and error, and you will constantly learn new things about yourself, but it is a journey that should be undertaken with purpose and zeal.
   
5. Be willing to adjust your self-image.
   We all change as we age and grow, and we must keep up with our ever-changing selves if we want to set and achieve meaningful goals.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others.
   Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that is extremely easy to fall into, especially today with social media and the ability to project a polished, perfected appearance. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.
7. Celebrate your success. When you meet a goal, successfully challenge a negative thought, or catch yourself extending kindness towards yourself, mark the achievement with a celebration! Taking the time to revel in your success and enjoy the moment can give you the inspiration you need to continue your journey to self-improvement.
8.   Be kind to yourself. If you find yourself being excessively negative to yourself, stop and consider how you would feel if someone said these things about a close friend or family member. Extend that kindness and compassion to yourself.
   

 
Think hard about the root cause(s) of your insecurities. The first step to defeating  these thoughts is to dive deep and learn about them, and this situation is no different. Identifying the events that led to a low sense of self-worth can provide invaluable information for challenging these negative beliefs and will give you an opportunity to break through the limitations that have been holding you back.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” 


Before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that  staying stuck in regret  offers you nothing but suffering . By ruminating over regret,  we are allowing  the past to dictate our present. The good new is, is that we we can use the past as a reference point to understand and make adjustments as we move forward.  We are learning all the time, and it is very easy to  get yourself stuck in the swampy bog of regret. When it comes to making changes, you are always one decision away from a totally different life. Allow yourself to be at peace with the past and remember that each moment can be a new beginning.

Below is a list of the 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying created by Austrailian palliative nurse Bronnie Ware.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself. Not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

3. I wish I had the courage to truly express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.


LIfe is a choice. It is your life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, and choose honestly. Choose happiness.

This excellent list is mirrored from the original posted at Bronnie Ware's website. Based on this article, Bronnie has released a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for.

Indigo Children are very sensitive to the energy balances in their environments. This can cause a wide range of reactions in their emotions, and be quite debilitating in quality of life. Experiencing these peaks and valleys can be very trying, whether you are a parent, teacher, or caregiver of one of these gifted children. Empowering our Indigo kids is extremely important for their future thriving in the world.
 
Some common traits of Indigo Children:
1. They come into the world with a feeling of royalty (and often act like it).
2. They have a deep understanding of empathy for others and are surprised when others don't share that.
3. They have difficulty with absolute authority (authority without explanation or choice).
4. They simply will not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.
5. They get frustrated with systems that are ritually orientated and don't require creative thought.
6. They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like non-conformists.
7. They seem antisocial unless they with their own kind.
8. They will not respond to "guilt" discipline ("Wait until your father gets home and finds out what you did").
9. Often express anger outwardly rather than inwardly and may have trouble with rage.
10. Refuse to follow orders or directions.
11. Get bored rather easily with assigned tasks.
12. Are gifted and/or talented, highly intelligent.
13. Get frustrated by ritual-oriented systems that require little creativity.
 
Like all Children, Indigo Kids need our support to discover themselves. Here are some easy ways to deepen the connection with the Indigo Child in your life while leading them to be their best selves at home, at school and beyond.
 
1. Respect them
2. Give choices
3. Give them freedom to develop, balanced with supervision and safety limits.
4. Do set limits to protect them, but not arbitrary ones.
5. Tell reasons and explain why.
6. Give them complete explanations to the level they will be able to understand.
7. Do not talk down to them.
8. Be honest with your children. Tell the truth. They will know if you are not.
9. Don’t try to manipulate them. It won't work.
10. Don’t use guilt, fear or hate as a controlling tool.
11. Be fair and also be consistent. If you say no, make sure you have a good reason and don't give in.
12. Admit when you make mistakes.
13. Respect any psychic skills they develop or share with you, even if you do not understand them.
14. Be open to learning from them.
 
 
Quick Tip!
Breathing: the breath moves energy throughout the body. When Indigo Children are frustrated, scared, hyper, or generally upset, you can ask them to take a moment. Have them stop what they are doing and breathe deeply by inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. You can tell them to really exert the out blow, like they are blowing their anger. Make it a fun game, and even do it with them.

Wow! I don't know about you but  winter this year seemed to last foreeevvveer! Super excited for longer days, warmer nights, bonfires and garden parties! Starting to see some see greenery and spring flowers pop up here and there on the farm.
Spring is the season of new growth, and the signs of change are all around us. Flowers decorating parks and lawns, the days are longer, brighter and warmer, and our moods are lifted by the extra sunshine warmer temperatures.
Springtime is seen as a time of growth, renewal, of new life being born, and of the cycle of life once again starting. As bonus,we begin to feel less sluggish, and become more open to inviting changes,both big and small  into our lives.
For me, spring is all about opportunity . It's a time to cultivate our qualities of courage and optimism, boosting up belief in ourselves and our powers to overcome obstacles. Sometimes, the largest hurdle can be our own fears, which prevent us from taking risks and stepping into the unknown.
It may be helpful to remember  Fear is just your brain telling you that there is something important for you to overcome.
As the days grow longer and warmer, savor them. Try to hold on to that sense of newness and renewal so that you can tap into that renewed strength and optimism throughout the year.